The Greatest Lie Ever Told

(In memory of Kenny and all his douchebaggery *single tear)

"dudes you'll never believe what happened to me. OMG I'm so sorry I'm late. So yesterday I'm driving in my roadster and the top is down and as I go under a bridge a guy that was trying to commit suicide jumped off the bridge, landed in my car and pulled a gun on me. He began demanding I drive him North, but just then my tires blows out. He told me to keep driving, even on the flat tire. In fact, he leaned over the side and shoe the other three tires out just out of spite. There I was driving on rims... heading north... farther and farther from the chapel. The rims on the pavement creates sparks and we hit loose oil from a spill. All four lanes of traffic go up in flames and we are spinning out of control with no wheels and fire all around us. Just then the circus comes into town. And we walked to said town? And he stole the tiny clown car and said I must accompany him on his trip until he no longer needs me. I knew too much now. He made me swear a blood oath and I said, 'Hey man, I gotta wedding in like 2 hours!' And he said, 'This. Is. A. Blood. Oath.' So we were brothers now. And as we drove our tiny clown car into the horizon our adventure had just began. He turned to me, 'you say you have to be at a wedding? I was suppose to be the photographer at one today.. til I broke my camera. My wife said if I lost one more job there was no point in coming home tonight. That's why I jumped off the bridge.'" *Meanwhile back at the chapel the best man and the wedding photographer are MIA.*

"Now this is the point where things get fuzzy. Our clown car ran a stoplight and plowed into a snowplow. But there wasn't any snow on the ground. And we both dragged one another from the flaming clown car. Just then a helicopter lands. The entire time I kept saying, 'Must. get. to that wedding. They're relying on me'... I would have called by my phone was swallowed by the bearded lad while back at the circus during a new routine she was was trying... The helicopter lands and it's the bearded lady. She told me I had a few missed calls. So I told her thank you and she got in the helicopter and flew off. The man with the gun and I were hiding in the woods eating squirrels and other varmints to survive. We had no compass; only the gun and the spare tire. And I had to get to the wedding but..."

(and this is one of the many reasons why i like this girl.)

like a ship righting itself

Oftentimes it feels like the world likes to go topsy turvy right as the moment we think the waters are calm, here comes that dreaded and lauded seventh wave, breaking over our bows. And we do all we can do to bail water out, to keep our feet, holding on to whatever rope is nearby and hoping that rope is attached to something stronger than your stomach is feeling at that moment. Your heart is beating a million miles an hour, you can't hear your own voice screaming, everything is in a chamber, your hair is salted, your face weathered and wet, and all you can think about is not the past or the future, just the now.

How you feel in that moment, waters rising, boats sinking, waves crashing, you're losing, or you feel like you are. And in that moment, you're not thinking about your family, or everything that could be your future, or places you could hide from this mess, you are just thinking, "oh shit. i am going to die." what some men would tell you, those salty dogs. Let the ship go down, when it capsizes it will right itself after the seas calms. If you can hang on for that long, if you can persevere, if you got the willpower inside you to fight, to fight for every gulp of air, to find pockets of it in that upside down boat, then you will survive.

Sometimes we have to wait for the pendulum to swing back, to watch things right themselves, to correct. The world does it, science seems to show us that things do it, so if we can stand tall, grit our teeth, out-stubborn the world and time and everything, then we will see the sun come up from the right way, we will see the world back on solid ground. I've only literally kissed the ground twice, both times after horrific plane rides, but those rides were two of the most bloodpumpingheartattack kind of things that I have ever been a part of. Spent half the time cursing, the other half praying, mixing my Lord's name and curses strung together like popcorn decorations at Christmas.

But the ship will right itself, we can push through. Hold on tight to something stable, or at least stable enough, lean on the ones that don't have to lean on someone else, hold your breath, let the bottom become the top, and stay strong, because it's all going to turn itself right back around again.

Kiss the ground, but remember the ride.